so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
