Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My liver just had a heart attack.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
