is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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