carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
