I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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