we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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