I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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