i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
