So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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