Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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