i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
