Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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