i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
