I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
