My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
