We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
