dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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