she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
