Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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