I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
