he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
