i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
