we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
