Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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