so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
