For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
