guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
