OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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