matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
