Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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