we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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