People in love make me want to vomit
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So squirting runs in the family.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
