Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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