So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
