you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
