my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
