We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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