Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
