why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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