Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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