i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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