When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
