My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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