I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
