I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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