just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
