she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You don't make any sense
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