Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
