i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
