this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
