Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
