We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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