I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
