Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
