i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
