Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
