So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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