I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
