im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
