You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
