you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
