There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
