i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have so many feelings about this burrito