i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.