Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"