i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
