Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You can't motorboat a personality

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  (602): You can't motorboat a personality http://tfl.nu/gveo
  Replies (18) Good night (1382) Bad night (2253)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The recession has changed everything man.

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  (412): Why are there hot girls at the dollar store? (410): The recession has changed everything man. http://tfl.nu/jvje
  Replies (9) Good night (3185) Bad night (540)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.

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  (856): would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions. http://tfl.nu/8b19
  Replies (5) Good night (3012) Bad night (538)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (16181) Bad night (1091)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too

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  (920): No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too http://tfl.nu/6mfg
  Replies (7) Good night (2885) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.

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  (705): Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night. http://tfl.nu/58lp
  Replies (18) Good night (1037) Bad night (4031)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters

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  (229): Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters http://tfl.nu/mh2z
  Replies (3) Good night (2467) Bad night (858)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.

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  (203): She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level. http://tfl.nu/viu0
  Replies (15) Good night (5223) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha

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  (610): We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha http://tfl.nu/f3qb
  Replies (4) Good night (1599) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty

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  (408): I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty http://tfl.nu/k1cq
  Replies (29) Good night (1402) Bad night (2616)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...

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  (440): Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits... http://tfl.nu/u2u5
  Replies (3) Good night (921) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.

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  (817): You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman. http://tfl.nu/6t1t
  Replies (10) Good night (3008) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping

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  (210): Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping http://tfl.nu/by8h
  Replies (0) Good night (555) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing

  (408): View more from California

  it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"

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  (831): sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing (408): it's like you just said "i want you to suffer" http://tfl.nu/wbp5
  Replies (0) Good night (554) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

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  (615): Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly. http://tfl.nu/1cg3
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (343)

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