I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
