Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.