Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
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For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND