yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.