So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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