I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
