i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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