Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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