so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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